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End of an Era and Multiple New Beginnings

December 13, 2012

So last week, my first baby graduated high school.  Needless to say I was a mess at what passed for a graduation ceremony here in New Zealand (no caps, no diplomas, just here’s a bible and you’ll get your final grades sometime in January).  Everyone pretty much avoided me as I bawled my way through the crowd on the way to the car. 

I would like to say that this is the only time I broke down, but in truth I’ve been falling to pieces about this particular change for months.  It’s not quite empty nest, as I still have the little one around for a few more years, but even that has been small comfort as I realize that, well, it’s just a few more years.  And if living in NZ has taught me anything, years fly by with amazing speed.  And that has catipulted me into pre-grieving an empty nest extremely prematurely. 

It’s not all about the kids leaving.  We are also leaving NZ next summer.  What? Wait!  Didn’t we just get here?  Wasn’t I supposed to figure out what I wanted to be when I grew up here?  I was supposed to have time to find that inner artist that expresses herself perfectly through creative endeavors, blowing everyone away with my creativity.  Instead it’s been more like a preschooler with finger paint.  Entertaining for a little while – yes.  Life changing art?  Um, no…

So once again, I find us on the brink of leaving one post and navigating the unknown waters of a new country, a new continent even and I’m terrified.  So what if that continent is Europe?  I hear the pick pockets are pretty good over there, lol.  I saw Hostel!  (well, actually I didn’t, but my daughter did and it has put her off the idea of hostels in Europe, hahahahaha). 

Anyway, the changes this time have come in a huge wave (or are coming I should say).  And I’m feeling more than a little overwhelmed.  I start fantasizing about living in one place, working a normal job, never packing another box ever again.  I know, I know…

“the grass is always greener on the other side of the fence…” 

I’ll get through this.  I’ll go to Brussels and I’ll continue to explore my inner world until I finally figure out what it is that I’m supposed to be doing in this incarnation of life and all will be well. 

In the meantime I’m freaking out a little bit and trying hard to focus on my latest project idea – a book! – and trying to get through the emotional landmine of preparing my daughter for life on her own in the very near future. 

Thank you for letting me vent!

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