Well, the two are only slightly related, but I feel compelled to yak about both today.
Last week my husband went to Samoa for business. Because he is the greatest father of all times, he decided it would be a great opportunity to connect with our youngest daughter while giving her the opportunity to get off the NZ islands at least once this tour. Unfortunately it was also the week Cyclone Evan decided to travel the Pacific Islands for a vacation of his own.
Unable to get off the island in time, hubby and little Herren were stuck in the path of the storm. From my safe and sunny (which is unusual for here) vantage point in Wellington, I searched the web and TV frantically for news of how the cyclone was affecting Samoa. What I found is that even in the midst of a news worthing disaster, info on the islands and weather in the Pacific Ocean is not that much of a concern for much of the world and I had to be content with infrequent contact with the missing part of my clan. I had a few “Holy Cow!” moments (actually not the exact words that passed through my mind, but trying to keep it PG here). Like when I pulled up the news on Samoa and saw “Aggie Grey’s Resort sustains heavy damage… Fortunately it was the hotel in Apia. NOT the Resort that my loved ones were staying at out by the airport. Whew!
In the end, they both came back home, safe and sound, if a little irritated that their little vacation was so rudely interrupted. Little Herren maintains she had a great time despite the weather and both were happy to be able to spend some quality time together. Master Herren was not pleased with Cyclone Evan one bit and has filed a complaint with the Cyclone Travel Agency asking that he please be informed about the travel plans of storms in the future…
Onto bad sci-fi and fantasy…
What is up with the movies? lol. I love sci-fi films and shows. Even the bad ones usually. But lately I’ve been pushed to even my limits.
A few months ago Master Herren and I decided to treat ourselves to a movie at Deluxe Theatre. You know – the kind where you have a specialty coffee, or wine, or even a meal while enjoying a movie in reclining plush seats?
Well, we watched Abraham Lincoln. No! Not the Abraham Lincolm with the enigmatic, gorgeous Daniel Day Lewis. No it was Abraham Lincoln: Vampire Hunter. I have no idea how this movie was received in the US. Did it take itself as seriously as the kiwis seemed to? I found myself laughing at the premise and at several interesting moments. But it seemed like I was the only in the theater doing so! And really do we need to make all southerners look completely, hopelessly evil? Ah, so that’s why we had slavery – so that the evil, southern landholders not only had free labor, but so that they had a steady food supply as well…
Anyway, by viewing it with humor, and by relishing the comfy seats in the theater in the company of the best man ever, I was able to enjoy the show.
Now on to Iron Sky. WTH?
Although I did pay to watch it on pay per view, I am so very, very glad I did not see this one in the theaters. It had some (some, some, very little, but at least some) potential to be an interesting idea. But then just degenerated into complete ridiculousness. What the heck was up with that last scene at the UN? I’ve thought about googling it, trying to see if there was some sort of message the writers wanted to convey, but the more I think about it, the more I think, I just really don’t care! It was a bad, very bad movie.
Do these films get much viewing in the US? Or do we just get really bad stuff overseas?
I just don’t get it sometimes.
So last week, my first baby graduated high school. Needless to say I was a mess at what passed for a graduation ceremony here in New Zealand (no caps, no diplomas, just here’s a bible and you’ll get your final grades sometime in January). Everyone pretty much avoided me as I bawled my way through the crowd on the way to the car.
I would like to say that this is the only time I broke down, but in truth I’ve been falling to pieces about this particular change for months. It’s not quite empty nest, as I still have the little one around for a few more years, but even that has been small comfort as I realize that, well, it’s just a few more years. And if living in NZ has taught me anything, years fly by with amazing speed. And that has catipulted me into pre-grieving an empty nest extremely prematurely.
It’s not all about the kids leaving. We are also leaving NZ next summer. What? Wait! Didn’t we just get here? Wasn’t I supposed to figure out what I wanted to be when I grew up here? I was supposed to have time to find that inner artist that expresses herself perfectly through creative endeavors, blowing everyone away with my creativity. Instead it’s been more like a preschooler with finger paint. Entertaining for a little while – yes. Life changing art? Um, no…
So once again, I find us on the brink of leaving one post and navigating the unknown waters of a new country, a new continent even and I’m terrified. So what if that continent is Europe? I hear the pick pockets are pretty good over there, lol. I saw Hostel! (well, actually I didn’t, but my daughter did and it has put her off the idea of hostels in Europe, hahahahaha).
Anyway, the changes this time have come in a huge wave (or are coming I should say). And I’m feeling more than a little overwhelmed. I start fantasizing about living in one place, working a normal job, never packing another box ever again. I know, I know…
“the grass is always greener on the other side of the fence…”
I’ll get through this. I’ll go to Brussels and I’ll continue to explore my inner world until I finally figure out what it is that I’m supposed to be doing in this incarnation of life and all will be well.
In the meantime I’m freaking out a little bit and trying hard to focus on my latest project idea – a book! – and trying to get through the emotional landmine of preparing my daughter for life on her own in the very near future.
Thank you for letting me vent!
I finished my first portraiture session! In true Brandy fashion, I was completely anxious during the shoot, trying to make sure I got the lighting and the settings right. I had no clue how to direct the family to sit, and add a dog to that mix and I was really flustered! I came home after the shoot, uploaded the photos, and then proceeded to criticize my composition, the lighting, etc… At the advice of my wonderfully supportive husband, I gave myself a couple of days before looking at them again. With the aid of Photoshop, I cropped, and primped and adjusted, and I think I succeeded in getting some good shots of the family that they will be pleased with. Let’s just hope they look as good in print as they do on my computer!
With any luck, the weather will cooperate on Sunday and I’ll be able to “shoot” my next clients! Bring on the business!!
So today I finally opened my Etsy shop! Each step in setting up the shop was agonizing for me – self doubt creeping in from every angle. But I slowly overcame my fears and my grand experiment has begun! I’ve only put up 4 prints for sale as of now, but I know that if I waited much longer, if I waited until I felt that everything was perfect, I would put it off until it was just too late. As the realization sinks in that I’ve taken that final step to open up the shop, I feel excited and a little accomplished. More needs to be done, but I have faith that I’ve made progress and the only way to go from here is forward!
Oh and I’ve got two bookings to do family portraits this month! Another fear to conquer and banish, another leap of faith to take!
Check out Cloudwalkerphotos!
So I’ve been inspired lately to take my photography to the next level. I’ve put an advertisement into our embassy newsletter offering my services for family portraits and I’m actively researching the possibility of opening an Etsy store.
The problem is ever since I made this decision, I’ve been wracked with anxiety. Can I actually produce acceptable portraits? Will people be happy with them, or despite the ridiculousy low price I’m charging, demand their money back? Would an Etsy store work for me, given that everything must be shipped from New Zealand? How will the impending move to a location as yet unknown affect the store next summer? Will anyone even WANT to buy my photos?!
I’m on an emotional rollercoaster with this one, alternating between excitement and pure dread. Something tells me I need to press on, succeed or fail, but do SOMETHING. I’m freaking out, but willing myself to stay the course. In the meantime, I hope my family can endure my mood swings, and random fits of tears!
Way back when we joined the Foreign Service, before blogs were a thing, I used to do something like this on a free website program. In an effort to keep sane during our temporary training assignment to DC with 2 small children, I used the website to air frustrations and to find some levity in a situation that was less than ideal for us. After moving to Haiti (and consequencely inadequate internet service when such service could be located), I stopped posting and the website eventually ceased to be.
For the past 13 years we have consistently chosen posts in developing countries, where only the independently wealthy could hope to have a decent (barely) internet speed and I found myself going from being the “go to girl” for technology questions to a complete and utter luddite. I still haven’t mastered my IPod Nano and it’s now so many generations old that it seems like ancient stuff to my girls. So during this hiatus from the world of progress, blogs came into being. And more and more people have blogs and I think, “Do I really want to keep a diary online that anyone can read? ” and “Do I really care that you had chicken fried steak and mashed potatoes for dinner and have a step by step blog about how you ate said dinner?” (turns out that, actually, I do because I have a craving for chicken fried steak that is bordering on ridiculous – I really need a visit home…) “Would anyone actually care to read what I have to say about whatever random thing comes to mind while I navigate this crazy world?”
Well, maybe, maybe not. But then again this is about me, not “them.” While I hope that some of the things I may write about have some resonnance with others, in the end, this blog is a way for me to try to make sense of my crazy life, my crazy brain, and to help me on my journey to create peace in my inner life. It is a way for me to soften the more harsher edges of my personality that have risen to the surface over the past few years and to provide me with an indicator of where my mood is taking me and what I need to stop and work on at the moment. Along the way I hope this blog is helpful to those who may be going through some of the same things and to find that they aren’t alone (and hence don’t need to feel guilty for feeling what they are feeling). Whether we are in the Foreign Service, constantly moving to this country or that, or living in the same country, state, or even city that we grew up in, many of the challenges we face are the same. In the months to come, let’s find those issues we can relate on, overcome the ones that need overcoming, and with luck, once again find the humor that can turn the negatives into joy.
I said to a girlfriend yesterday that it was time for me to put my inner redneck back in its box (along with her tourettes) and to let the diplomat take back over. She disagreed with me. Turns out people like to have someone around that will say what no one else will (and probably shouldn’t, lol). OK, so maybe I’ll put the redneck in a box with holes. That way her voice isn’t completely stiffled, just muffled a bit – let’s just hope the part that’s muffled is the part that cusses like a sailor…
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- Wanted: Stories of the ‘Real’ Foreign Service (dinoiafamily.typepad.com)
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